Thursday, October 6, 2011


Wow, it's been a long ride with as Littleleafer! I went back and read some of my first posts when I was a freshman in high school! I cannot believe how long ago that was! I actually found myself to be quite amusing. Anyway, having this written record of my hatred of high school is good, because it allows me to have a comparison to my experience here. I can always look back and think, that college is so much better. The only problem I would say that I have here is that it has not lived up to the hype. I really wish that people wouldn't say "you'll love college", "that's what college is for", "the best years of your life"! It would be much better if they said, "maybe you'll like it", "don't expect too much," or "it's a lot of responsibility and you're there to study," because then I would have had lower expectations. Unfortunately, I was only given advice on how awesome it would be so even if it were quite good, in comparison to awesome it'd still be considered shitty. Anyway overall I enjoy college -- I think. I have some friends, people are for the most part universally nice, and the workload is doable. So why am I not happy? The seed of the notion that I cannot be happy has been planted, and whenever I'm alone I downwardly spiral towards that conclusion. This summer I was relatively happy. At least I was content. I had no time to think about my purpose in this universe. Now though there is seemingly so much free time (there really isn't I guess, but it sure feels like it). I just hope that I can get into the gist of things and it will be good. I guess I'm just impatient and nostalgic of the glory days of knowing everyone and having a tight knit group of friends. I really want to get into some activity, but I don't know what yet. Anyway, just checkin in. Toodles.