Well, I have finally went to talk to a counselor in the Wellness Center. I was really embarrassed at first as I walked through the doors and asked to see someone. It was as if I was playing the role of a disturbed child or something so I tried to remain as cheerful as possible. The resident counselors are on vacation so instead this young Asian lady said she could talk to me instead.
I explained everything to her, about my eighth grade problems, leading into my current shitpile. She was pretty cool but she kept coming back to, "we need to organize your life with activities, (insert this guys name that i forgot) is really good at finding activities in the community etc." I am quite interested, except it seemed a bit like she was selling something to me in those points. I'm really glad that I could really talk to someone who would listen and who isn't really a part of my life. I have no idea whether she understood everything or not, but people who have this occupation seem to have an archetype for my condition and she mangaged to fit me into one (there goes that word again).
For some reason I want to remain a calm, composed person, without letting on that I am really distressed. I feel this pressure from people to be the person that I have been for the past year. When I "reveal" some of the real things I'm thinking they tend to shy away from me. I am strange which I do not deny, but I enjoy having people to talk to - so I need to tone it down sometimes. I realize that I have freaked and scared away some people in the past.
Anyway, friends are great (this is said after Patty agreed to type my bio questions) yay!