Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Desperately Want to be Peter Pan

Remember when we were young, and we wanted to get older quickly? How ironic (and I know, cliche) that now we hope to stay young...stay teenagers. I wish that I didn't have to deal with the world...with time...or with social situations. I'm already 16, going on 17 this year. Where did my youth go? Reality isn't here yet, but that bullet train is coming soon. My grades are shit, SAT, I am average-low, and I have nothing going for me. Music? I'm not any good anymore. Debate? Pul-leeze, the only time I ever did well was in novice. Friends? I love my friends, but we're on different levels...I'm in a different sphere...where am I going to be in ten years? not on the same pay grade, that's for sure.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to just live. Why is it that I only exist. I biologically am alive...but mentally where am I? Stuck in my own mind? Living in a fantasy world of perfect characters with perfect traits and perfect lives? It must get annoying for me to harp on and on about my own lack of resolve and reality.

I'm seriously considering 3 majorly different career paths. Medicine is probably a career that I will not love, or possibly succeed at...yet I feel like it may fix my uncertainty about the world...I think in college I would do biological anthropology or something. Second, I could do something boring, like 'attempt' to become a lawyer, probably not terribly successful, but I'm not bad at argumentation. Finally, I could become a chef or baker, which would be great, but there would always be money issues, and scrounging for jobs. *sigh* or I could be a hobo, but I never do well in urine-smelling environments, or the cold.

ciao outside motherfucker

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